Grief makes you think the worst things. Imagine the most intrusive thoughts, times them by ten and you have the tricks grief plays on your mind.
But the thing is, we need the worst thoughts. Our minds need to go to the end of themselves, to explore the boundaries of what we think, believe and imagine. Because the worst has happened, and maybe, just maybe, the worst thing we can think, believe or imagine isn’t actually the worst. Maybe it’s just is. Just a thought. Just an idea. Just something that, in the pain of everything else going on, our minds needed to put voice to.
That’s what I found surprising. With the help of a book and film. That the very worst thing I thought, that for 10 years I berated myself for, is in fact not that surprising and something that other kids think…
Grief is often unkind to you, telling you that what you think is the worst. But sometimes grief is surprisingly kind, catching you, just as you fall off the edge of expressing the self same worst thing.