Day 5: Secondary Losses…

One of the things that you very quickly come to realise when you are grieving, is all the other secondary losses that move into your life along with your primary grief. Your primary loss is still the big thing, the one that matters and hurts and overshadows most. But there are so many other things affected and changed and lost because of who is no longer in your life. 

Some of them aren’t necessarily bad, some of these secondary losses you don’t cling to and are happy to see go. But they are still losses, and it is good to acknowledge them and their passing, along side your primary grief. 

Alongside my primary grief, I lost…

  • Innocence
  • My childhood
  • Memories
  • A link to the past
  • A very bad hairstyle
  • Priorities that didn’t matter
  • A lightness to my faith 
  • Certainty 
  • Surety 
  • Understanding the way the world was
  • Friends
  • A role model
  • Confidence
  • Giving a crap what the world thinks

Explore your secondary losses, push beyond the primary behemoth clamouring for all your attention. Address the lesser know, lesser seen, lesser understood nooks and crannies of your bereavement and discover what lies there. 

Lex xx


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