I’m you, 8 whole years down the line. You might not want to listen to me, but please take a minute, I’ve got some things to tell you.
Oh Lex. Brace yourself little girl, things are going to get rough. I know things right now have just tipped upside down, you don’t know which way is up and you feel like nothing makes sense. I hate to say this, but get used to that feeling. You will continue to lose your footing, fall on your bum and feel pretty lost for the next few years.
I’m not gonna tell you what happens. It’s not my place to, I don’t think you’d believe me and you need to face it all to learn. But I’ve got some pointers and advice to pass on you from 8 years in the future.
Don’t stop talking. Don’t stop expressing yourself, telling people what hurts and saying what you need. The moment you stop talking things will get so much worse. So find the right people and talk to them, use your words.
Don’t fall in love with him, you know who I mean. Guard your heart, don’t be naive, don’t lose yourself trying to chase him, he won’t ever love you in the way you want him to. He’s gay (ok, I know I said I wouldn’t tell you what happened, but that one doesn’t count, cos you won’t believe me and will still fall hard).
Know who your friends are. Don’t forget people who have been with you for so long, just because of a new face. It won’t last. That isn’t friendship.
Don’t stop dancing. Don’t stop acting. Seriously. You will miss it SO much.
I know you hate school at the moment, that gets worse over the next couple of years. It’s ok to hate it, it’s not great. Just don’t curse the building and all it stands for, vowing never to set foot there again. I’m not going to tell you why, you just never know what will happen in the future.
Now, and this is the biggie, are you listening? Don’t forget anything. You are going to use everything that’s happening right now. Use it ways that you can’t imagine. Use it ways that you wouldn’t dream. You’re going to write a book, can you believe it?! (Ok, sorry ruining another surprise, but you always knew you had a book in you, right?) Your story, your words, your message comes out of a really painful place, I’m not going to lie. But use that pain. Harness it, let it drive you, don’t let it make you hard. Let it change you; make you softer, more compassionate, more reflective… (I’m going to use that word you hate) let it make you braver.
You’ve got a big future in front of you little chum, don’t rush the next few years. You need the hard times to knock a few edges off and give you more motivation that you can ever imagine right now.
P.S. Could you do me a favour? Come out. You’d save us a few years extra heartache and it really isn’t as scary as you think it will be!