I find myself in the position in my life where the majority of people I live most of my life with and interact with most didn’t know me pre-grief. My family and oldest friends aside, most people in my life never met my mum. My partner didn’t know what I was like with my mum in my life. Anyone who has met me in the last 13 and a half years, all of my adult life, have only ever known me with grief and shadow as part of my life.
And so, because of this, the question that is most appreciated any time anyone asks me is, what was your mum like?
I think the kindest thing that anyone can offer someone who is grieving, offering them a light in the shadows, is to ask them about their loved one. Allow yourself to be invited into their shadows and walk with them there.