If there is one thing that is most frustrating about the death of a loved one, it is that they, in effect, leave half way through a conversation. You have a relationship with them, oftentimes an incredibly significant, attachment, relationship with them, and then they die. Effectively leaving your relationship, you conversations with them, your love for them unresolved and interrupted.
And it’s frustrating! It’s rude when people leave while your’re still talking to them. Excuse me, I hadn’t finished! I wasn’t finished speaking to you, loving you. There are things I wanted to say, things I needed to tell you.
Still things I need to tell you… Aside from the hundreds of things, everyday, that I see or think that I’d want to tell you. That i’d think you’d like, or find funny.
I meant to tell you that I was gay, I think you probably knew, but I wish I’d had the chance to tell you.
I want to tell you that I’m ok. I’m happy- not that you’re not here- but I’m alright.
That’s what I’d tell you, if I could.