An interesting writing prompt today… One of those ones where you really wonder if anyone will actually care. But what is blogging if it’s not an exercise in walking that thin line between sharing and over sharing?! 

First things first, I don’t go to the hospital or doctors very much at all. I have a relatively hefty fear/anxiety about doctors, so the visits I’ve had to hospitals/doctors over the last few years stand out in my memory and can be counted without even having to use my toes. One sticks out in my mind however, for pure comedy value…

When I was 21, I swallowed a ring pull. It was an accident, a very stupid accident and an accident that I had to defend all day being asked countless times if I’d swallowed it on purpose. But I digress, let me start at the very beginning, that’s a very good place to start.

I was in a lecture, enjoying a diet coke. I have a bad habit of putting the ring pull inside the can if it falls off, even if I haven’t finished the drink. I hadn’t taken a sip in a whil and had forgotten the little chunk of metal was in there. I took a big swig and then suddenly realised along with the mouth full of diet coke I also had the ring pull in there too. I couldn’t negotiate swallowing the coke and taking the ring out at the same time and in a panic of not wanting to cause a scene, I swallowed the whole lot. 

I put my hand up (so polite, destined to teach!) and excused myself now in some quite considerable panic and discomfort. On the way down the offending ring pull had scratched up my asophogus pretty nice and I didn’t know what to do, should I try and throw it back up?! 

I phoned NHS direct (answering the first 2 rounds of, “did you do it on purpose?” Of the day) and spoke to a lovely lady who told me in no uncertain terms wasn’t allowed to be sick. I don’t know if you ever been told that you CANNOT be sick, but it had an interesting psychological effect of making me immediately need to be sick. Otherwise I was told I should go to A&E after uni, get checked out, have a chest X-ray and get some advice. 

That evening I trooped off to MK general (stepmum in tow). The triage nurse was lovely, the X-ray man was lovely (the X-Ray was not as, in the end, it was useless because the ring pull was playing hide and seek… the minx!). When, almost 5 hours later(!) we saw a Docotr he was not lovely. He was the very definition of the opposite of lovely. He was so rude about NHS direct and their advice to me to come in. Apparently an adult could swallow an open safety pin and not do themselves any damage (who knew?!) And he was angry about us wasting our time but more importantly his time. We got very little advice, very little care and were treated with very little respect. (this individual episode didn’t eliviate the doctor phobia in many ways, in fact adding a few more reason to be scared of doctors to the list). 

I left, feeling a bit dented and bruised, with the instruction to be on poo watch for the next few days and if the ring pull didn’t make a natural reappearance to go back for another X-ray as it may have got stuck somewhere. 

I didn’t need to go back. 

The end. 

Lex xx



As ever with a l st of any form of media, this prompt is a bit of a tricky one. I love telly, own so many box sets and spend quite a bit of time unwinding while watching my favourite shows. So what I’ve decide to pick from are my favourites that I don’t think enough people love and watch, so you may pick up a new recommendation here: 

1) 30 Rock: Written by and starring the phenomenal Tina Fey, 30 Rock is hilarious, a bit weird and a really interesting look at what the behind the scenes of TV might look like. 

2) Modern Family: I don’t understand why more people don’t think Modern Family is one of the best things on TV…

3) Cougar Town: I can’t belive that so many Americans don’t get Cougar Town and they’ve tried to axe it so many times! 

4) Happy Endings: One of those, oh look series 1 and 2 are on the on demand box… oh look I’m addicted kind of things…

5) Jam and Jerusalem: If you like gentle British comedy, with countless national treasures, mad Cornish women and the WI (and who doesn’t?!) then this is for you…

Watch and enjoy…

Lex xx

As with everyday, today has been full of decisions. Many no more significant than “Is that too much peanut butter to have on my toast?”. But today has stood out in the fact that actually today I did make an important decision. 

On Friday I got an email inviting me to an interview later this week. It was for a job I’d applied for a few weeks ago and had kinda forgotten about! At the time I applied, I wasn’t really sure I wanted the job, I was applying to push a door and because it was relatively local. 

Today I emailed back to tell them that I wouldn’t be going to the interview. 

As someone pretty desperate for a new job, as someone crushed when I don’t get interviews for the stuff I apply for, you may think it a bit weird, contradictory and ungrateful not to take this interview. But it goes back to that self preservation that I wrote about last week. After my experience with interviews last year, I’m not up to putting myself through the interview process when I don’t actually really want the job. It might be really good experience, but at the end of the day I had to ask myself, what is more important? I need to preserve my self-esteem, my confidence, my sanity, myself… 

So today I made a bold, brave… stupid(?) decision. 

Lex xx

Today’s guest blog is written by Mark, a friend from church. Here Mark tells us a little bit about what life has been like for him in the last year and shares some thoughts on Lego. 

I was talking to a colleague at work the other day about Lego. I will be honest, I am a Lego fan. I have been since my first Lego set I can remember: Robin Hood’s lair. I am sure that I had one before this but this was the one that caught my imagination. This small set grew into 2 medieval castles, numerous small sets of Knights and Dragons, a pirate Island, a spaceship and a moon space station. I loved it and still do. After a 15 year absence in my life I have caught the bug again. Lego Star Wars and Mini figures (at last count over 50 minifigures including my excellent Darth Vader Santa mini figure) are everywhere.

What I love about Lego is that the basic concept has not changed in years. Yes there are numerous Movie Tie-ins now but you still essentially pick up instructions, look for the blocks (granted the fun of this has been removed because now they have numbered bags meaning that the massive pile of bricks in the living room carpet is a thing of the past.. and parental telling’s off for their own carelessness in standing on them) and build. Exactly what they did in the first Lego set in 1949.

Of course some things do change. Not always for the better I admit, but they do. The world has changed spectacularly in my lifetime. There are countries today that did not exist when I was born.  Kids TV has gone so far downhill since the glory days of He-Man and Thundercats that I feel sorry for the Peppa Pig generation. Comedy shows are not as funny as they used to be (Friends vs. 2 broke girls. Enough said) and the number of children in my class that have I-pads, I-pods, I anything is scary. Especially when you hear them chattering about Facebook at lunchtimes (Bear in mind it is a Primary School).

I have changed (and believe it or not, you have too). In my lifetime I have gone from a small child running about the Irish countryside, watching my brother getting terrified by sheep to a 30 something year old living in MK bluffing his way through teaching; along the way working in Bournemouth, Sri Lanka, Russia and Belfast. It has taken a lot to get to this point and the numerous changes are things that I have not always found easy but I have got over with a smile and the occasional sarcastic comment.

Last year, something changed though and I could not get past it. It snuck up on me with skills that a ninja would be proud of. I can remember the exact moment that things changed. I was having dinner with friends in Weather spoons a week before Valentine’s Day. All of a sudden I just felt like the world was on my shoulders. Work, friends, conversations, home, family. Everything was weighing me down. I struggled through the next week then my grandmother died. This knocked me for six. By the end of half term, less than two weeks after that fateful dinner, I had broken up with my girlfriend, was off work ill, staying with friends and was barely able to lift my head from my pillow.

I was depressed. Not the kind that they talk about in the cartoons where someone feels sad and a well-timed frying pan to the head makes it better. Proper full scale depression where none of my thoughts made sense. Where I felt no one could understand because I could not put my thoughts together. There are times where I thought to myself if it was all worth it. The answer was never no, but it was very very close at times.

It turns out that one of the changes in my life had caused all of this and after a year of talking it through, general moping around and support from some people, I have finally reached the point where I can live my life normally. I am back playing with/collecting Lego. I have a genuine smile on my face with a new job where I don’t let things get to me and am living somewhere that makes me happy. Most importantly, I have my wonderful girlfriend back in my life.

I still have my problems. I have felt let down by some people over the past year and find it hard to relate to them now. I have developed a serious paranoia of noise which I find very hard to cope with sometimes but there is one thing that gets me through.

The power of prayer is amazing. I lost sight of God and all that was important while I was ill. When I first started counselling, I will be honest and say that I had given up. Prayer did not work. My life was wrecked and God had stood by and watched it happen. Slowly, however, I could feel prayer working. There were people praying for me and although it was taking much longer than I wanted, I could feel myself slowly getting better.

Through this episode, I have a better understanding of God’s love. Of how no matter how low you feel, he will always be right beside you. Of course the human mind is a complex thing and it is not always easy to focus on that but looking back on the past year, I can see that God never really left my side. In the same way that through all of the changes in my life, he has been right there by my side.

Anyway, Smiley I have a new Lego set to build. While building it I will be remembering that God is with me (Probably shaking his head in loving despair at my childish delight when those two awkward blocks finally stick together) but most importantly that he will always be with me.

When asked to share an old photo, today, there is only one kind of photo I want to share…



No words today, just a photo. 

Lex xx



I’ve had a tough week, a couple of tough weeks. So writing about what makes me feel better feels like the right kinda thing to do. There are a few things on my list that if I’m poorly/sad/struggling I really need in my life…

• My bunny, Pudding. 
• My duvet.
• Jimjams (preferably either of my Harry Potter pairs) 
• Diet coke (sometimes with one of my favourite men, Jack Daniels, making an appearance)
• A specific playlist on my iPod.
• A box set (right now it’s Grey’s Anatomy)
• A notebook (the prettier the better) 
• A Barbie (they have healing properties) 
• A banana, honey and peanut butter sandwich (ultimate comfort) 
• Chicken Noodle Soup
• Ice cream (I’ve recently made a realisation and a bold claim,  Haagen-Dazs Pralene & cream is my ultimate fave Ice cream flavour)

So that’s what my next couple if evenings look like… 

Lex xx



I am often happy to be the butt of jokes, making most of them myself! Please feel free to poke fun at many aspects of my character or appreance, I’ve probably heard most of them before, I don’t really mind hopping aboard the banter bus and rarely take most stuff to heart. 

But there is one thing that if you take the mick out of, I will turn on you like a scorpion and probably get very upset. My biggest insecurity. 

I have a lazy eye, if you’ve met me you’re probably aware of this because it’s a very noticeable lazy eye. I have very little control over my right eye, it doesn’t do much due to how lazy it is and lacks a lot of both forward and peripheral vision. Unlike most lazy eyes (I was a 1 in 10 baby) my squint/lazy eye is vertical rather than horizontal. So when my eye goes awandering, as it does, it doesn’t turn in, it rolls up to the corner which is often very obvious. 

I hate my right eye and am SO insecure about people noticing and making comments. Photos, especially baby photos, where it is obvious are just horrible. 

My lazy eye makes it obvious when I’m not paying attention 100%, when I’m tired, when I’m feeling unwell. My lazy eye makes teaching a nightmare because if I just point at someone without saying their name, they often don’t realise I’m referring to them… Kids can be cruel with their comments, can’t they?! 

So if you ever catch me looking at you but you’re not sure, look at the left eye, that ones telling the truth! But just do me a favour, don’t make any jokes about it, yeah? 

Lex xx



I generally love to make people laugh and see it as a massive part of who I am and how I roll. Today I made someone laugh, and it was definately intentional. 

Every Thursday I intentionally make someone laugh. One of my favourite someones. 

Today, and every Thursday, Noah laughed because of me. 

Today it was tickles, dancing, singing songs, cuddles, silly noises and row row your boat. Right now I know what makes Noah laugh and it’s the best thing in the world. 

It is my hope that as he grows I continue to know Noah well enough to be able always make him laugh, see him smile, bring him joy. It is my hope that we are always as close as we are now… Every 18 year old boy is best buddies with their auntie, right?! 

Lex xx



Not a particularly long blog today, it’s late and I’m tired. Also not a particularly cheery blog either, if that’s what you’re up for maybe skip today. I’m not in a great mood and this is highlighted when asked what my three top priorities are right now. 

Self preservation. Survival. Treading water. 

2014 beat me up and left me for dead, I can’t let that continue to be the story for 2015. Meaning that one of the top things I focus on at the moment is making sure I’m not hurt in the same way again. 

I am in a season of plodding. I don’t need to thrive, I’m not excelling and there are few leaps forward to be made. I am surviving. If I’m alive at the end of the day, it’s a success. 

I feel like I’m drowning for about three quarters of the week. Keeping my head above water is all I can hope to achieve in this. 

No clever analogies,  no witty remarks, these are my top priorities for now. 

Lex xx



Now I’ve blogged about fear before, about my many phobias and anxieties and what I believe about them. Much of that blog is still true, sadly, so if you’re interested in reading what I really think about fear at length then head on over there. 

But I just want to say a few quick things about what scares me in the context of now. What scares me? September. 

This is the fourth year running that September has scared me more than I thought possible. For the fourth year running I have been in the less than favourable position of job hunting. Now unlike so many people around the country I haven’t been constantly job hunting, I’ve been lucky enough to be in constant employment, but have found myself in fixed term contracts that end of the academic year. Meaning that every March the cold fingers of fear start to grip my heart and mind as the Easter holidays approach (too slowly and far too fast at the same time) and September looms on the horizon. 

September means I lose sleep (like last night). September means spending every spare minute checking every job site I know. September means a constant ball of worry in the pit of my stomach. September means spending ages agonising over applications. September means having dreams, plans and fears about what the future will bring. September means having to always have an answer ready for when well meaning people ask the dreaded question. September means panicking, all the time. 

September scares me and will do for the foreseeable future until I find some firm plans.

If you know someone in the same position as me, let me give you a tip, nay a plea… If they don’t come skipping up to you yelling gleefully to all and sundry that they have a job, maybe don’t ask them every time you see them. I know you care, but it becomes a really painful, embarrassing question that you can come to resent somewhat. 

I’m scared, wake me up when Septmeber ends… When I’ll hopefully have a job and a plan. 

Lex xx